This is not a review of the movie “The Dark Knight”; if you want to read one check out the billion or so that is out on the internet or a newspaper right now. This is a review of the experience of going to the midnight showing of “The Dark Knight”. Let me be quite up front… I did not find the experience enjoyable. Before I get heat from the fanboys, let me state that I am a fanboy. I have read the last 20 years of Batman, Nightwing, Robin, Birds of Prey, and Gotham Central comics… so yeah I understand the concept of a respectable Batman movie, but you guys give comics a bad name.
I got to the theater 90 minutes early, there was already a line, but my friend Frank and his family were already there and snagged us seats. I am going to do this numerically and chronologically:
1.People Dressing Up: It was funny a few years ago when Star Wars came out, but it is pretty lame now (actually it was pretty lame back then too).
2.Bringing a Computer to the theater: I noticed that the people dressing up seemed to be together in a large group – at least twenty strong… they brought a laptop. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED A LAPTOP FOR!?! There was no internet access in the theater. They were playing with Microsoft Word clip art – they passed the laptop back and forth making captions. Of course they had a mac because these were the typical uber-pretentious neo-nerds that think there every opinion is the right one because some jock shoved their head in a toilet 10 years ago
3.Reverence of the Source Material: Just because you read the comics doesn’t mean you have more of a right to be in the theater. As stated, I read comics; my friend Frank who has a baby and one on the way doesn’t have time, but I respect his opinions about films more than just about anyone.
4.Holding Seats: A few of my friends went to get pop corn around 11:30 (they left sweaters and personal effects on the seats), some fat assed woman comes into the isle and I politely tell her that the seats are taken. “Are they in the theater?!” she belched. I furrow my brow and give her my death stare… “Yes.” She repeats her question, louder. “Yes – they are getting pop corn.” – I say this with a growl. Her friends comment to her to walk away as she beings to verbally molest people right next to me. Get a clue, come early for an event movie if you want a seat and don’t bother people holding seats.
5.Clapping: Once the previews hit, people started clapping for every trailer. I don’t think you should clap at a movie unless someone on the creative team is present. The audience geeked out for the Watchman trailer – okay, I overlooked this one – then they clapped for a Disney movie and I just wanted to punch anyone.
6.Sit Down Comedy Routines: I love the people who sit there waiting for their chance to make a snarky comment and then shocked when the theater tells them to shut the hell up. But once that situation starts, it takes 10 minutes for everyone to shut up.
7.The Parking Lot: This isn’t anyone’s fault but it took 30 minutes to get out of the parking lot which sucked.
Fanboys… remember that you have a penis. Don’t let that overheated laptop battery shrink your balls. Show some self respect and act like a man.
